Doubt

Uncertain,
Uncertain inside of this freezing hell,
I have a feeling I have not the right to feel.

No shine of stars,
no music,
no magic,
not a single thread I can follow.

I walk this way with confusion,
I wander, and I wonder,
I feel no right to have faith
no right to wish
Oh! Oh!, smiles are a sin.

It is a sin being happy
while others surrounding you suffer.
That's a sin,
a punishable sin,
because being happy is selfish,
foolish,
childish.

Life seems to be all about suffering.
We come here to suffer
in this valley of tears
for no good reason.

I am uncertain,
because I am not sure if I am sinning
and I am being punished.
I am not sure of whether I should be morose,
or calm.

Doubt is the worse of the tortures,
because it makes me choke in it,
like a prisoner in a gas chamber.

(c) Pekky Marquez 2001